"When I wake up in the morning the first conversations I have are with Eric Pickles and William Hague," - Call Me Dave

This is because they all share a 'two-up, two down' in't North (Hampstead). It gives them something to chew over while waiting to use the outside loo, prior to donning the cloth cap (they share one of those, too), and before exercising the whippet. Aye, right.

Tory Party Central Office, is really scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one - poor old Boris, his ears must be ringing to some tune.