Comedy. Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, Beyonce Knowles, Emily Mortimer, Roger Rees, Jason Statham, William Abadie, Kristin Chenoweth. Director: Shawn Levy.

SOME remakes are doomed to failure before the director calls "Action!" on the first day of principal photography.

Shawn Levy's version of The Pink Panther attempts the impossible: to reinvent bumbling Inspector Clouseau for modern audiences without the spark of comedic genius that Peter Sellers brought to the role.

Steve Martin wisely doesn't attempt to impersonate his illustrious predecessor, playing the moustachioed gendarme as a genius amongst buffoons, who always solves the case, but in the most weird, wacky, unorthodox, roundabout manner possible.

Thus, when Clouseau and his sidekick Ponton (Reno) need to infiltrate a society party unseen, they don spandex bodysuits bearing a wallpaper design, allowing both men to seamlessly blend into the background of the stakeout location.

Unfortunately, much of the comedy verges on the moronic and illogical.

Clouseau

When Clouseau tries to park his tiny, electric car outside headquarters, it's nonsensical that he should careen back and forth into the stationary cars in front and behind him, without apparently feeling the crunching collisions.

A running gag in which Clouseau attacks curtains, fearing spies secreted in the drapery (declaring "ze area is secure" when his fears are unfounded), is wisely abandoned before the first hour is up.

The convoluted story opens in a packed stadium where coach Yves Gluant (Statham) leads Team France to victory over Team China in a high profile international football match.

In the midst of jubilant celebrations, Yves is killed with a poison dart and his priceless ring, set with the fabled Pink Panther diamond, is stolen.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Kline) orchestrates a cunning plan to solve the case: he assigns "village idiot" Clouseau the task of unmasking the killer and recovering the gem.

Dreyfus fully expects the clumsy cop to fail. When he does, the chief inspector intends to take charge of the investigation and snatch glory for himself.

Meanwhile, Clouseau and sidekick Ponton apply unconventional methods of deduction to narrow the list of suspects to Yves's glamorous girlfriend, pop star Xania (Knowles), disgruntled soccer player Bizu (Abadie) and millionaire casino owner Larocque (Rees).

Back at HQ, devoted secretary Nicole (Mortimer) watches adoringly as Clouseau edges closer to unmasking the killer.

Sparkling

The Pink Panther has a couple of sparkling sequences: Clouseau learning to speak American and an earthenware double entendre skit ("I would like to take a closer look at your bowls!")

For the most part, however, the film merits half-hearted chuckles rather than full-blooded belly laughs.

Martin flings himself full pelt into each impending disaster, while Reno and Kline are both wasted.

Beyonce slinks in a variety of flattering frocks and trills two songs on the soundtrack including the sultry "A Woman Like Me", reducing the big finale to a music pop video for the Destiny's Child diva.

Hardly the cat's whiskers.

Released: March 17 (UK & Ireland)