"You didn't think Big Brother would be nice, did you?" asked Davina as the show got under way. No. Of course not Davina. We thought it'd be like being trapped on the Club 18 to 30 holiday from hell. And it looks like we might be right - and wouldn't have it any other way.

As always, the new series has to kick off with rumour control. So we get Davina - thankfully out of the tweeds which she sported for the last celebrity instalment of the show - sorting the truth from the nonsense. Only one house, no evicting half the housemates from the get go. It's the same rules as last year, apparently.

And we get the tour of the new house - with its thermal cameras, glass partition walls and lurid colour scheme. Not quite as vile and uncomfortable as last year's domicile, but still bright. And, of course, the new diary room chair. A source of excitement for everyone, everywhere, every year. Obviously. Its a big blue clamshell type affair this year.

The new house has a rather nice loft, a horrific number of gnomes (including one with a secret camera) and outdoor showers. But unfortunately, until the contestants arrive, it also has Ms McCall - thankfully more restrained than in previous years but still able to irritate merely by appearing on screen.

But the big thing is the housemates. Apart from posh Toryboy Derek, the rest of the housemates feel like the sort of sex-obsessed Ibiza rejects that you come to expect from this show. Except for Mary.

Oh, boy. There's something about Mary. As in, something absolutely terrifying about Mary. Psychic white witch from Atlantis. Arrived carrying a broom. Didn't exactly sweep the crowd off their feet.

Of the rest - Saskia (promo girl, wannabe footballers wife and definitely not racist), Roberto (Italian stallion), Lesley (poor man's Karen MacDonald) and Maxwell all fit the BB stereotype. We're not being inflicted with any Nathans this year - you can't see any of this lot trying to break into childrens TV presenting.

And the big surprise this year - one of the 13 will suffer from bad luck. So poor Makosi goes straight up for eviction. Unless she can get everyone to nominate her, in which case she's immune. All very easy to understand - except for Makosi. She looks like she might have trouble understanding the instructions on a toothbrush, judging from her diary room performance. Can she alienate enough people to ensure her survival? I wouldn't bet against it.

So its the usual mix of freeks, geeks and starlet wannabes we've come to expect - and even pre-empt - after six years of Big Brother. It's brash, its in your face, and its here for a good few weeks to come. Let the games begin.