ROONEY, Rooney, Rooney. That's all I've heard for days.
All right, the kid made a reasonable debut for the Rags. But what did he do apart from scoring those three goals? Needs to sharpen up a bit away from the penalty-box if you ask me.
You can regard this column as a warning to young Wayne. And you can take it from one who has been there, done it, and worn the tee-shirt.
You might not believe it if you saw me hobbling down Deansgate on my gouty foot with a permanent cloud of fag smoke over my head, but I was the Wayne Rooney of my time.
Stop laughing. It's true. I've been a teenage soccer sensation. Adored by the masses. And I'm here to tell young Wayne that being an icon isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Back in 1967 I wasn't much older than Rooney when I made my senior debut for God's Own Club against West Brom at Maine Road.
You'll never guess what happened. I scored twice in 90 seconds. And the strange thing was that between the first goal and the second, I missed a sitter. What a debut that would have been, eh? Three goals in 90 seconds. I'd have been in the record books for all time.
What a reception I got from the Blue Mooners when I walked off. Just like Rooney's the other night.
Athlete
Take my word, Wayne lad. That's as good as it gets. The morning after my debut, I woke to find photographers on the front garden. How they had found that council house in Fallowfield I'll never know!
One of those happy-snappies asked me if I could jump over the garden gate.
I reminded him that he was talking to a highly-trained athlete. Course I could. I took a run up the path and took off. Unfortunately, I jumped three feet and the gate was four feet.
And that was the picture in the morning paper - City's scoring sensation hanging by one foot from his garden gate with his nose on the pavement.
But I knew stardom had arrived when I reported to Maine Road that Monday morning. Two young girls were waiting on the steps. A bit plumpish, but admirers are admirers. And one had an autograph book.
"Can I have your autograph," she asked. Ah-ah, I thought. The start of the Paul Hince fan club. "Certainly, my lovely," I replied. I snatched her pen and with a flourish I wrote: "To Debbie, with Love and kisses from Paul Hince."
I was a wordsmith even then! I started to walk up the stairs when I heard Debbie's friend say in a loud voice: "See. I told you that wasn't Colin Bell."
Impressed
And how did Debbie react? She ripped my autograph out of her book, tore the page to bits and threw them into the gutter.
At least I had a career at Maine Road, right? Wrong.
Manager Joe Mercer was so impressed by my performance against West Brom that he dropped me for the next match against Leicester City. He mumbled something about me needing a rest.
So began Paul Hince's descent from overnight stardom to total obscurity. Many, many times over the next few years at Charlton, at Bury and at Crewe, I walked off ahead of the final whistle. Always at the insistence of the manager.
The receptions I received from the fans were muted. More sitting ovations than standing ones.
Ok. I would shuffle off to a silent ovation with the odd "boo" thrown in.
From a championship-winning team to the bottom of the Fourth Division in six years. That's all it took for me to reach skid-row.
Medals and awards? Only one. I was voted - unanimously - by the Bury fans as the worst outside-right EVER to play for their club.
It's little things like that which bring a warm glow to your heart on a cold night in January.
So be warned, young Master Rooney. There's only one way to go after you've had a sensational debut - downhill. But don't fret - I see a place in journalism beckoning you.
Comments
Login or Register to comment
I think your job is safe, hincey - he may be a great footballer in the making, but he can't read or write - who needs to with his talent
The only difference is you are not Wayne Rooney and you are an idiot to write such a pathetic story. You really suck for a journalist and as a footballer. Write something interesting and i hope you dont actually get paid to write these foolish stories. You must be blind if u cant see a true footballer in Wayne.
Was this article about Rooney or some has been footy player? I suggest you have a chat with King Kev, there is always a place in his team for retired footy players. Perhaps you can help Fowler get back to his best. It sounds like you have a lot of experience.
Yawn! But what would you expect from Hince? A mediocre player who became a less than mediocre hack!
Allright, allright Hincey, that was funny!
I can't believe my eyes, did I imagine that I have just read that article from Paul Hince or have standards dropped to an all time low? Did the MEN actually pay for that article? It read like a bitter 13 year old's entry for letter of the week. I am a City fan, and have been for longer than the "wonder debut" of Paul Hince. I still have the deep seated hatred of MU, found permanently lodged inside every true blue, (childish I know).
But to see a "professional" journalist and ex pro footballer write in such a manner and get paid for it is beyond belief.
Good grief, I always knew that Man U fans had no sense of humour, but that guy from South Africa's reaction to a light hearted piece of journalism is OTT! I think Paul Hince knows that Rooney is a great player, even at the age of 18, but does every article the MEN write have to be straight laced with no humour, personally it made me smile and pity those that took it so seriously!!
For those that appear to be taking this article seriously, don't! Fair play to the author for sending himself up, quite an amusing little article. As for his style, I believe it's called irony.