FANCY answering a few soccer questions? Well it might pass away a couple of minutes while you're waiting for the egg and chips to be dished up.

Right. Here we go then.

Which team do you fancy for the championship title next season?

I'll bet you'll say Arsenal or Manchester United, won't you? Well my money is on Leicester City.

How about Division One champions next season? Wolves? Ipswich Town, maybe? Take a tip from your uncle Paul. Have a few quid on Oldham Athletic.

Yes, I know what you are thinking right now. The Murphy's has finally got to Hincey. His brain is like a pickled walnut. Leicester can't win the championship next season because they are not in that division.

And Oldham Athletic can't win the First Division title for the same reason.

Well that just goes to show how little you know about professional soccer in this country. You seem to forget that you're competing here with a highly-trained observer of our national sport.

And I'm here to tell you that Leicester City WILL be competing for the championship title next season and Oldham Athletic WILL be hoping to gain promotion from League One.

You see the dear old Football League, in it's infinite wisdom, have decided to re-name all its divisions for the onset of season 2004-05. So from the start of next season, the First Division won't be the First Division any longer. It will be the Championship.

The Second Division won't be the Second Division. It will be League One.

The Third Division won't be the Third Division. It will be League Two.

Confused? Don't worry. I'll let the Football League chairman Sir Brian Mawhinney explain the reasons behind the name changes.

"The championship is a term steeped in history," he warbled. "Reclaiming it for our leading clubs places a new enhanced emphasis on its status at the pinnacle of our competition."

There you are. What did I tell you? As clear as mud.

Have you ever heard anything as barmy in your life? The First Division is the First Division.

The fossils in suits at Football League headquarters might refer to a spade as a "horticultural implement" but it doesn't alter the fact that it's still a spade.

Why can't the meddlers who ruin - sorry, that should say "run" - professional soccer in this country leave well alone.

I'm old enough to remember when everything was nice and simple. We had a First Division, a Second Division, a Third Division and a Fourth Division. Everyone knew their position in life. And quite right, too.

Now we've got a Premiership, a Championship, League One and League Two. So next season a Premiership team will end up as English champions and a Championship team will end up as English champions.

A Second Division team will win the League One title and a Third Division team will win the League Two title. It's people in suits in high positions just playing with names.

Well we can all play that game. So from now on my fat dog will only be referred to as a four-legged canine companion and any correspondence to me at the Manchester Evening News must be addressed to P. Hince, Wordsmith and Lap-Top Technician. Tweet