GETTING caught ain't what it used to be. No longer are women who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant after an ill-advised fumble stigmatised by society.

And thank goodness for that. The era of the back street abortion is long gone. And though there are still some deluded gym slip mums who see deliberately having a baby as the gateway to the idyll of a council house and a life cushioned by the state, by and large society understands that unexpected pregnancy is an occupational hazard of opportunity and inclination. The office party, the one night stand, the forgotten pack of pills. We're all human and we're all frail. So whose to judge?

But the fact is that pregnancy reminds us - for all the strides in equality - that there are some things that set women apart from men.

Ah ha, you might think. Not that old chestnut again. But unfortunately this old chestnut has come home to roost as it was revealed yesterday that ten servicewomen have been flown home from Afghanistan after falling pregnant, evacuated under strict military rules which bar expectant mothers from front-line service.

Apparently our armed forces do have a potent contraceptive in place: namely a strict 'no-touching' rule which all 700 women and 8,500 men serving in the war zone are warned of on arrival. Being caught with your combats down can lead to disciplinary action.

But, come on. We read every day about the dangerous situation of our brave soldiers. Life turns on a dime, be it through inadequate weaponry or the lucky hit of a lone sniper. In such a highly charged atmosphere is it any wonder that men and women seek solace in the most natural way they can?

Understandable though that is, it raises yet another reason why women should not be sent to war zones. Female squaddies may be banned from front-line infantry regiments, but bombings and other insurgent attacks can happen almost anywhere. In today's dirty wars, the front-line has shifted to a footfall from base camp.

There's no doubting that women have the intellectual power to contribute significantly to the effectiveness of our armed forces. In terms of strategy and planning their role could be incalculable. But women are also weaker physically, needed at home by their children and not biologically programmed to harness the aggression required to fight on the front (whatever the rise of the cat-fighting ladette on our high streets might suggest). And they fall pregnant.

Of course women want to achieve but combat zones are not the place to prove their equality - because out on the battle field they simply are not equal. To suggest otherwise, especially to placate the political correct brigade, is to do a disservice to all of those who fight in this terrible conflict.

There are some lines that can't be crossed. And the little blue one that shows up on a positive pregnancy test proves that more eloquently than anything else ever could.

Spread the hunt for the weird Marmite thief

At the time of writing there was still no sign of the shaven-headed raider who has been targeting a petrol station for….jars of Marmite.

The thief, who limits his pilfering to this tar-coloured spread has hit on the same 24-hour garage near Northamptonshire four times in a month, each time clearing out its stock .

The question is, why ?

Marmite, like James Blunt, is the kind of stuff that triggers extreme reactions: either you love it or you hate it.

I know people who could eat it by the spoonful straight from the jar, and remember certain pregnant pals getting cravings for it at the most inopportune moments. Whereas me…well, as the recent loser on Mastermind said repeatedly, I'll pass.

So what is the mystery man doing with his stash? Is Marmite the new cellulite buster, a vital ingredient to making Moonshine, or the best way to defrost the car ?

Maybe he just likes it. Or maybe there are a bunch of kids at home whom he thinks will benefit from overdosing on this admittedly nutritious spread. I think we need to find him fast. If only for their sake.

Record breaking Mr Normal

Even though he's one of Britain's best loved comedy stars, it's still astounding to hear that Peter Kay's long-awaited tour has smashed box office records at the Manchester Evening News Arena.

Websites crashed and new dates were hastily added as an unstoppable stampede of fans clamoured for tickets to his Tour That Doesn’t Tour – Tour which hits the arena for an unprecedented 20 night run in April next year.

Kay confounds all the rules of showbiz popularity. The greater his success, the increasingly normal he appears. He doesn't do the flakey 'working class hero' routine to jack up his appeal. This is a bloke you really could imagine eating a bag of chips in the bus queue.

It's a source of pride that Greater Manchester - or to be more precise, Bolton - has hatched a comic talent like Kay. His introduction to Sir Paul McCartney at the recently screened Children in Need concert was priceless.

If there are any tour tickets left I suggest the bosses who over stuff the pockets of Chris Moyles, Russell Brand and other so-called funny men should grab one if they can so they can watch and learn. About time they spent some money well.