SHE’S a better mum, her marriage has improved, she’s less stressed and she can enjoy a social life without having to get up at the crack of dawn to go to work. Former GMTV presenter Fiona Phillips claimed that leaving the sofa to spend more time with her family was the best thing she’d ever done.

Except paparazzi pictures of her with lank hair, no make-up and the stay-at-home uniform of jeans and t-shirt told a different story. She looked old beyond her 48 years and miserable as sin.

So it’s not surprising that she’s back on the telly this Christmas, saying she can’t be a full-time mother. "I’m happy at home, but I need to be stretched," she claims.

But I don’t believe the happy bit. Celebrity mums simply can’t hack it away from the cameras. There’s no glamour attached to clearing mashed Weetabix from the kitchen table and getting the kids to school on time.

As a full-time mum, no-one’s adoring and pampering you, straightening your hair and applying your eyeliner. No-one sends fan mail, or tells you you’re great 500 times a day. It’s all one-way traffic, all give and no take, and some women love that, but not celebrities.

Yesterday, Kym Marsh was named as the Celebrity Mother Of The Year. It’s an award I can’t quite get to grips with because it’s the ordinary hard-working mums out there who deserve the accolades. The celebrities usually pay for staff to look after their kids.

Gwyneth Paltrow was another stay-at-home fraud. When baby Apple was born she became an earth mother, let her figure go as much as a former celebrity can and didn’t want to work. But suddenly she’s discovered Madonna’s personal trainer and she’s back on the circuit with sexy toned legs and no baby sick down her back.

Anna Friel complained about how tired and stressed she was on the set of a TV series having recently given birth. Well, she always has the option to stay at home and look after her baby. With two celebrities in the house, it’s not as if money is an issue.

But she just can’t keep away. Babies are lovely, but pretty boring compared to being an actress. Then there’s the fear that some bright, young, babyless thang might come in and steal the job offers.

Property presenter Kirstie Allsop is a little more honest. She regrets returning to work so soon after the birth of her second child. She was motivated by the fear that property programmes would be axed in line with the retreating market. She says women struggle to raise children and have a career and can’t have it all.

She employs a full-time nanny and housekeeper, which implies that she does indeed have it all, the glamorous career and someone to look after the kids. The ordinary woman can’t afford those luxuries and truly understands the meaning of struggling.

As much as these women try to justify themselves, the celebrity mum is attracted to the camera, lights and action like a moth to a flame. Pleasant as it is staying at home with the kids, it doesn’t come anywhere near to the thrill of being adored by the public. They just can’t keep away.

Hard-worker Brown is right to look stressed

HIS brow is deeply furrowed, he has dark bags under his eyes and there are heavy lines around his temples.

An unflattering portrait of Gordon Brown in GQ magazine has caused Tory media hacks to deduce the man is stressed.

Well, of course, he’s stressed. He’s the prime minister for God’s sake.

If he’s not bailing out the banks to the tune of £25.5bn, trying in vain to persuade Europe to do its bit in Afghanistan and govern a recession-blighted country, then he’s preoccupied with a general election around the corner.

Whatever your politics, Gordon Brown is a hard-working, dedicated man who works long hours and takes few holidays, all of which takes its toll on a man’s looks. Tony Blair aged rapidly during his terms of office and indeed, if David Cameron gets into power, we’ll soon see the onset of premature ageing, which ought to wipe that inane grin off his Peter Pan face.

Leave Brown alone, I say, but sack the photographer.

No shock in shop survey

Vacuous surveys never cease to amaze me. The latest no-brainer took 150 female shoppers – I thought a survey sample had to be 1,000 – to get their views on retail therapy. And guess what? Larger ladies don’t like shopping as much as thinner ones.

Well, knock me down with a feather. I didn’t see that one coming.

The women, of all shapes and sizes, were asked to rate statements concerning the pleasurability of shopping. Thin ones loved it, fatties hated it, but the majority were ambivalent.

The results are to be published in the journal, Body Image, which must make for a fascinating read. An eminent professor deduces, from the findings, that the typical shopping experience is not retail therapy, and women only do it for "inspiration and fantasy".

Not necessity then? Pass me that gold card, I feel a fantasy coming on.