This is couch potato Britain, according to the survey by private healthcare chain Nuffield Health - a nation which can barely muster enough energy even to have sex.
Couple that with a finding that furniture sales are up despite the recession, and supermarket booze is often cheaper than bottled water, and one may get the impression of a sizeable proportion of the population sitting on our new couches, too pie-eyed on cider to get up and switch over from Big Brother.
With that in mind it was almost heartening to see the energy and enthusiasm of Oldham's young boozers in Monday's Panorama. Sadly, that energy and enthusiasm is all too often misdirected. The programme examined the measures to cut back on alcohol abuse in the town.
I've lived in Oldham all my life, and knew the town centre could be rough at the weekend, but this was an eye-opener even for me. Lined by gaudily-lit vertical drinking establishments and thronged by lairy lads and fake-baked girls wearing not very much at all, Yorkshire Street looked like Faliraki with goosebumps and chips `n' gravy. The dark side to all this frantic fun is a rising tide of drink-fuelled violence, even rapes.
But what emerged from the Panorama investigation was the real difficulty in placing the blame for all this alcohol- related disorder. Yes, the bars are selling cheap booze, but the punters are often arriving at the town centre already `pre-loaded' with booze from the cheapest sources of all - the supermarkets and friendly neighbourhood corner shops.
I was once a teenager out on the lash in Oldham, and it always was a scary and violent place. I knew people who had been `glassed' for no reason. We muttered with awed admiration about beer monsters of our acquaintance managing 15-pint sessions - almost certainly exaggerations - but I don't remember the universal determination to drink to oblivion which characterised the revellers in that Panorama programme.
How much do you have to hate yourself to set out every Friday and Saturday to drink to near-unconsciousness? How empty must real life be if you can only enjoy yourself when completely bladdered?
Drastic problems require drastic solutions. If bars in Oldham want to sell drink at less than 75p per unit, they will have to change the way they operate, one headline-grabbing idea being that customers must queue - through barriers, like in the Post Office - for their turn at the bar.
It's worth remembering that Oldham was the place where the first Yates's Wine Lodge was opened in 1884 - a fact commemorated by a blue plaque on the former High Street premises. This was the age before limits on pub opening hours had even been dreamt up, and the topers of Victorian England could probably drink today's binge-boozers under the table.
Yates's was an attempt to bring some of the finer things in life - well, Australian wine, at least - to the ordinary folk. As hostelries went, it had all the warmth and welcoming atmosphere of a train waiting room, but my friends and I would occasionally darken Yates's door in the mid-1970s. And unless my memory is playing tricks, I recall a high wooden bar, a brass rail and a Post Office-style queuing system to get served. That idea, like drunkenness in Oldham, is nothing new.
Zen and The Art of Flat-Pack
Furniture
I REACHED an important milestone in life last weekend: for the first time ever, I bought and assembled a piece of flat-pack furniture without losing my temper.
Perhaps because I wanted to set a good example to my 15-year old son - my assistant in this wardrobe-making enterprise - I vowed not to throw the allen key across the room, rip up the instructions or heap curses upon the name of Argos. Instead, I took every minor frustration in my stride and finished it with a good deal of sweat but no anger.
Bitter experience has taught me these things. You WILL look at all the component parts on the bedroom floor and think `I'm not sure I can do this'.
You WILL look at the instructions and think they have been inexpertly translated from Chinese. You WILL at some stage be convinced there's a bit missing.
But, with the wisdom of the years and many skinned knuckles, I can say there's never yet been a box of bits that didn't end up, near as dammit, as the item intended.
Perhaps there's a philosophy for life in there somewhere. I'll call it Zen and the Art of Flat-Pack Assembly.
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It's not just Oldham. Every town and city is the same. Town centres become no go areas at night time because of these booze fuelled cretins.
The reason is cheap booze everywhere, from bars, clubs and pubs to supermarkets and corner shops. Even festivals and gala days set up the beer tent first. It's a pathetic indictment of our nation today, and the lacklustre response by most people.
Just try getting through the front door of your local Tesco (or any other store) without being confronted by a wall of cheap booze offers, before you even get to the grocery aisles. They then proceed to pile it at the end of all the aisles, and any available space, as well as the dedicated booze aisle. It just makes me sick. No wonder we are in such a state of addiction to alcohol.
The addiction is not restricted to the binge cretins though. Most "respectable" people these days can't get through their evenings at home without sinking a bottle or two of wine, or wellying into the vodka and gin. Their world is viewed through a floaty alcoholic haze by the time bed time hoves into view.
Ban all food outlets from selling booze. Double the price overnight. Ban discounted offers. Ban all advertising of booze. Off sales outlets should be government owned and run. Close clubs down earlier. Bring back the old style licencing laws. Then perhaps in a generation things will begin to turn around.
Paul.You mention skimpily dressed girls.Boys with their gussets round their knees and underwear on show could have problems too.If they fall over drunk they'd have trouble getting up or running away.It also tempts others to give them a wedgie!
whatever the price, those with the most dispoble income (<18-24 year olds) will continue to drink until inebriated.
Raising the prices massively will simply price out anyone else from enjoying a responsible night out, leaving the 'kids' to run amok even more..
Tougher enforcement required by the Pubs and the Police required here for being D&D, rather than warnings and slap on the wrists normally handed out.
It can't all be blamed on cheap booze. In the 60s and 70s when I went out with mates we had some drinks, but it wasn't the price that stopped us drinking more than enough. Even if it had been half the price we wouldn't have bought more. We drank and had the usual discussions, arguments and laughs - and enjoyed ourselves. When we left a pub or club we were inebriated but not falling down or looking for fights - we just went home. And apart from odd incidents, there was no trouble in the town centres.
Something has changed in Britain; you only have to look at street gangs and yob violence, and the reputation of the British abroad. Recent research has shown British youngsters being some of the least happy in the world.
There just is'nt any deterants anymore apart from a hangover, only last night whilst watching one of these cop prgrams on the TV a 14 year old youth robbed a car drove it at speed whilst the cops pursued, hit 4 other cars nearly ran over a group of pedestrians in a park and then totaled the car into a wall, his punishment if you can call it that was a 4 month supervision order alaong with a years driving ban even though at 14 this would'nt matter the slightist.. get leggless in Oldham, abuse the cops and start as much hassel as you can and your looking at a night in the cells plus an 80 quid fine, big deal somthing to tell the lads about down the pub..... How about a minimun of 7 days in the clink and a 500 quid fine... Would make you think twice before squaring upto a cop would'nt it.
cut benifits to the scoungers and use the cash to build more prisons, not bleedin holiday camps
It's always been the same in this country for drinking to access. You can read about the Victorian times and how hundreds of people were hauled before the courts for drunkeness. I'm 48 years old, and I've always thought Manchester's people had an underlying sadness about us. Whether we felt we deserved more recognition for working our butts off for next to nothing, I don't know. This Government won't tackle this they are hopeless, it's up to individual communities now.
Paul.You mention skimpily dressed girls.Boys with their gussets round their knees and underwear on show could have problems too.If they fall over drunk they'd have trouble getting up or running away.It also tempts others to give them a wedgie!
Angie33 , Manchester
12/08/2009 at 12:21
Angie33 : That was humerous, I never knew you could.
you'll remember the days of oldham having scruples, dreamers, henry afrikas and butterflies then paul! what was it like back then? i remember them well. it was hell on earth. compared with oldham today which is so much more quieter!
why is it oldham is being picked on as the main culprit of our boozey nation! its actually one of the places i would actually say has improved!
yes the violence and crime is still happening. but when its actually finially investigated it usually turns out to be nothing to do with drink!
the police are the main ones to blame. two or three years ago they had a strong police presence on the streets at the weekend. this put off the trouble makers and it felt quite safe on a night out. then they cut back and the idiots have come back.
the drinks promotions have been around for years! they havent changed! but the policing has! thats whats at fault!
NYB.. Do you enjoy knitting?
Hi gor, mcr...knitting! a wee bit of origami is nice though, especially with meatballs ;~)
But on a serious note, believe it or not, there is life and enjoyment beyond the hazy filtered life of alcohol. Widen your horizons a bit. I think I'm the one with a better life beyond the contraints of alcohol. Come out mountain biking with me, see how that grabs you.
Jay B: "scruples, dreamers, henry afrikas and butterflies"................
I used to have the odd Friday night out there many years ago and I did go in these places.
Fights, thuggery and booze fueled half-whit's infested the place then! Not much as changed so why now (all of sudden) is it a problem?