APRIL may be the cruellest month, as TS Eliot said, but March is shaping up to be the stupidest.
First we had climate-change protestor Leila Deen throwing green custard over business secretary Lord Mandelson.
"The thing I really wanted to do was show how slimy he was and how the only thing that was green about him was the slime coursing through his veins," she said afterwards, with logic that would shame a five-year-old.
Later, in a piece for Labourlist, she offered a more grandiose account of what she had achieved.
"Typically for a man far too used to the comforts of patriarchy, as I approached him, Mandelson's condescending smile conveyed his expectation of little more than a simpering compliment coming his way," she wrote. "The majority of journalists did not seem to know how to respond. Here was a well-dressed, dare I say attractive, state school, middle class woman confronting the unelected Lord Mandelson and questioning his right to take a political platform on climate change."
Right. So `sliming' a leading politician, and the coverage that gets, is actually a feminist issue. And a class issue. And a state-versus-private school issue. And here was me thinking it was just a juvenile stunt.
Then we had a group from the No Borders network invading the Oldham offices of Phil Woolas, the immigration minister. They came, they shouted, they stuck stickers on the walls. And what important message did those stickers carry? "More pies for Woolas".
This was not, it turns out, a dig at the minister's waistline. It was a reference to October last year, when the group threw a custard pie in his face.
Mr Woolas was relaxed about the latest incident. "It was all fairly cordial and over in half an hour," he said.
He could afford to be so blasé. The attack seemed more like a comic interlude than a serious political protest.
That's the problem with these things. On the one hand, I can understand the temptation. The demands of 24-hour news channels means the potential publicity for highly unusual, highly visual protests has never been greater. Moreover in a multimedia age, even if you can't get the news professionals there with their cameras, you can simply take your own broadcast-quality footage on a mobile phone.
Anyone with a tin of custard, imagination and nerve can get publicity. What remains as difficult as ever is controlling the publicity you get. Protestors like Ms Deen may end up on TV screens across the world, but their arguments generally do not. She and her ilk are destined to be remembered not as a serious political voice but as the pie-flingers, the clowns, the light relief from more weighty matters of state. They are cementing their places on the fringes of the debate.
That's not to say that there is no place for direct protest. Britain has a proud tradition of such. But there is a difference between what Ms Deen did and, say, Emily Davison throwing herself under the King's horse, or 80,000 gathering at St Peter's Fields to call for the vote, or millions marching through London against the war with Iraq. It is a difference of scale, or tone, or more often both. Ms Deen is not part of this tradition. Her lineage includes Jeremy Beadle, Dom Joly and Ashton Kutcher.
If the current crop of protestors really want to be part of the political agenda, rather than members of the entertainment industry, they would be better served concentrating their fire elsewhere.
Here's one suggestion, drawn from the advent of the internet and the disillusionment with, and apathy towards, modern British politics: campaign for electoral reform. Make it the single most pressing issue of the day.
Earlier this month, millionaire businessman Sir Paul Judge launched the Jury Team. Its stated aim is to clean up politics by giving everyone the financial backing they need to stand for parliament. It plans to put up 70 candidates at this year's European elections. And it is destined to fail. Why? Because the electoral system we have is virtually closed to outsiders. Millions of people will be sympathetic to the Jury Team's complaints about modern-day politics, and modern-day politicians. But they won't vote for it, precisely because they believe their votes will be wasted if they do. It is a classic vicious circle.
The world is changing rapidly. The structure of British politics remains basically unchanged for decades, if not centuries.
The internet is giving us more and more voices and perspectives, and making it easier - and infinitely cheaper - to share information. In the media, for example, national newspapers can no longer assume their pronouncements will be taken as authoritative.
They face unprecedented scrutiny from an army of amateur rivals on the web. This forces them to maintain and improve quality. They have to earn trust every day.
Politics is not like that. Come polling day, most people's pencils will still hover over two or at most three boxes before their make their cross. Already that feels old-fashioned. Who's to say, in a few years time, it won't seem positively archaic?
So there you go, Ms Deen. Fight that fight first. It's simple, topical, logical, and could unite a huge number of under-represented groups like yours.
Only please, please find a way of arguing for it that is more constructive than throwing green gunge like a chimp in a zoo.
Leila Deen on Labourlist:
http://tinyurl.com/cko4e8 The Jury Team:
http://www.juryteam.org
David Ottewell's blog:
blogs.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/politics
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Comment: David Ottewell
March 17, 2009
David Ottewell - MEN columnist

Showing comments 1 to 4 and replies | View All
Chapman (17/03/2009 at 15:41)
Angie33 , Manchester (17/03/2009 at 17:39)
Many including myself have a lot of anger and if I commented on every story on here for the next 5 years I would never come to the end of it.Im glad to be part of this.It was made possible by buying a computer for 50£. Worth every penny.
chopchop (17/03/2009 at 20:39)
When 1 million people march to protest against a war they don't agree with, and are ignored, and when protest is barred from miles around our 'democratic' parliament, and when police have new powers to search, remove and arrest any citizen they like when no crime has been committed, when millions are unemployed and destitute due to an irresponsible government, when thousands of people sign petitions which are continually ignored by MPs, when the ordinary person finds they have no voice in this 'democracy', you will generally find that people who care, who are passionate, who want to make a difference in the face of indifference, who want to be heard, will use any way they can.
Your article seems to be written from the perspective of a person who has never been desperate, or indeed passionate about making change.
You ask why Leila Deen doesn't campaign for electoral reform. I ask why aren't YOU campaigning for electoral reform.
It's so easy for you to throw your opinions up here on the internet, as it is for me to comment too. If you know a better way, if you know the secret to getting heard, and if you know how 'under-represented' groups can get their voices heard, and get policy to change, as you suggest in this article, then why aren't YOU doing it?
And would you have even spent your afternoon formulating this 'comment' if it weren't for Leila Deen? I'm sure, as you went through college and university and worked your way into journalism, that you were driven by an idea of making a difference, of using your skills to influence, to expose truths, to right wrongs.
What you have written here may as well be in the Daily Express. You write that Leila Deen is 'stupid' and compare her logic to that of a '5 year old child'. Do you really, really expect each end every member of our general public to have the same 'logic' as you? To have he same education as you? to have the same opinions as you? Do you really despise people who are different to you? Do you have the capacity for empathy?
This article is a disgrace. You opinion of free thinkers is a disgrace. Why should Leila Deen play by your rules? Why should she play by government rules? they, and you, don't, and won't ever, do anything for her.
Luther, Manchester (17/03/2009 at 21:31)
Also, if you read their website, the No Borders group did have a very clear message and demand. Their protest was against a detention centre at the airport, where asylum seekers are kept. Why none of the media decided to report this issue, including the MEN, I don't know.