Chess with planes, perhaps, or mid-air gnat basketball for spectators with magic binoculars which allow only them to see what's happening.
All I can work out is that an aircraft approaches, the faintest ripple of excitement runs through the crowd, people scribble in pads, take photographs, speak in strange tongues, and then the subdued brouhaha subsides.
If something really exciting happened, then I must have missed it.
And then all becomes clear: while most people see planes as a means to travelling somewhere exciting, for these people it's not about the journey, but collecting the digits which identify each of the aircraft.
I'm an interloper on a day which is a highlight in the plane spotting calendar, or "aviation enthusiasts" to give them their preferred name.
Around 600 car-loads of spotters advance tickets at £10 for the Manchester Airport Viewing Park yesterday, their passions roused by the prospect of "collecting" passenger jets which rarely visit these shores.
Touching down are planes carrying fans of the Russian team, Zenit St Petersburg, who met Glasgow Rangers in the final of the Uefa Cup at the City Of Manchester Stadium.
The interest, it transpires, is due to the fact that many of the planes from the former Soviet Union are so decrepit they usually don't fly this far west.
The planespotting hordes were welcomed to the aviation park by the smell of bacon butties being served from a store which was built to cope with additional demand.
There are hundreds and hundreds of men. The few women there are can be counted on one hand and have either brought along youngsters not old enough to know any better, or husbands who should have grown out of their pursuit years ago.
Picnic blankets
Some stand, some sit on picnic blankets, some have brought fold-up deckchairs.
All clutch little notepads and there are lots of binocular, radios, and cameras.
Some have bible-thick books carrying details of passenger jets and names like Biz-Jet and Turboprops, including UCJ's, or World Airline Registrations.
Most seem to clam up when approached by a journalist, they clearly feel uncomfortable with an outsider in their midst.
Pete Hogg was rounding off a holiday with wife Anne before returning home to the Isle Of Wight by adding a few more registration numbers to his list.
Pete, 65, rediscovered his passion for plane spotting five years ago and first got the bug in the 1950s.
"It's a mental deficiency on my part," the former aircraft engineer says. "It's a little bit like counting stripes. We really can't help ourselves."
Collection book
Jim Gemmell, 48, a Glasgow Rangers fan who has travelled from Scotland, is wearing a Uefa Cup final T-shirt, but his only goal is to fill in a few more blanks in his collection book.
Another gang of five enthusiasts has travelled from Bristol, attracted by the airport's facilities - "arguably the best in the country" - while there is talk that some spotters have come all the way from Holland.
All agree that this is an unmissable opportunity to see planes like the Russian-built Tupolev.
Some grumble that it would have been an even better day had Rangers' place in the final gone to a team from somewhere more exotic.
Apparently, this show of enthusiasm is nowhere near as impressive as the Champions' League Final at Old Trafford, when AC Milan and Juventus fans poured into Manchester.
David Reynolds, a 62-year-old from Worsley, has rekindled his enthusiasm for plane spotting in recent years, and says the sheer number of people on site means it isn't as easy as usual to see the planes.
Sunbathing amid the crowd, airport employees Greg Ayrton, 24, and Beverley Moon, 25, are enjoying a day off in the sunshine and seem to share my bemusement.
"There's no harm in it," Greg says, "But they do seem to have come from another planet."
At 10.46am, a Transaero aircraft touches down, and I find myself inexplicably jotting down the registration number, EL-UND, and the fact that it's a Boeing 767-300.
Self-consciously, I look around to see if anyone saw me, which of course they didn't, because they were too busy not being particularly enthusiastic about the Boeing.
A similar reaction greets the arrival of a TU154 at 10.54am, which one of my new friends tells me is owned by the Atlant Soyuz airline.
I've seen enough and decide to leave. This is just too strange for words. But then who am I to comment? I've spent my morning spotting plane spotters. How sad is that?
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United fans will see plenty of these when they are over in Russia next week.
You make planespotting out to be sad, but would you rather your friends/family were sitting at the viewing park enjoying the sunshine, or getting trashed and wrecking the place in the centre of town?
You send someone to do an article on the plane spotters who obviously knows nothing about it so it is not surprising when they do not understand why they do it.If you sent me to observe the football match itself I would have thought the same but would have had the sense to not criticise the fans for doing something I have no interest in and find extremely boring.Very poor/unprofessional reporting from someone out to make fun of people different to themselves.So no change from the press there then.
Your article would have been more credible if you have got your details totally correct. The registration you wrote was wrong. It is EI-UND. Some reporter you are!!!!
Plane spotting is a hobby that has been around since Adam was a lad. I myself have been doing it over 35 years. Yes there are some real anoraks out there who would feel at home in an episode in Shameless, but there are also a lot of professional people as well.
Your article is trying to belittle these people as you simply don't understand what they enjoy. There are many minority hobbies, like wine tasting for one. I am not having a go at wine tasters either here just using it as an example. They sit in a room sampling a glass of liquid, swill it around their mouth and spit it in a bucket. Can you understand that. Well I can't and I love drinking wine.
Yesterday I sat and enjoyed a day in the sun and met people who I hadn't seen for a while and we sat and chatted. Overall a nice community day. Meanwhile in the centre of Manchester drunk football hooligans were smashing a large TV screen.
I know now that I made the right decision.
Regretably this is yet another example of the lack of responsible media coverage.
OK, you have to sell papers but you don't have to ostracise your customers by making them out to be mindless morons for this purpose?
Your 'reporter' would be best suited to garden parties and childrens sports days until such time as he can handle dealing with people in an adult environment. Maybe then he will appreciate who really pays his wages!!
Mind you he was surpassed by a certain BBC reporter ..... ??!!!!
Once again the media excel themselves at belittling people minding their own business in pursuit of a harmless hobby.
Some observations from the article:
1) Quote "Most seem to clam up when approached by a journalist, they clearly feel uncomfortable with an outsider in their midst." Actually it is a well-known fact that most enthusiasts avoid talking to the press because every time they do, they are portrayed as a bunch of wierdoes at a freak show;
2) Quote "I've spent my morning spotting plane spotters. How sad is that?" This sort of comment demonstrates why point 1 is so true. Bird watching, stamp collecting or even visiting flower shows isn't classed as a 'sad' activity despite to some being equally as pointless. I suggest next time you dispatch a less self-opinionated journalist or simply not bother.
One consolation I suppose - he's not as bad as the so-called reporter the BBC sent along.
Having just read your ill-informed poorly written article which was inexplicably entered into the “news” page I wonder which subject you know nothing about will next on your list of things to ridicule ??
I guess this explains why you are stuck writing pointless articles that you know nothing about for a regional newspaper.
Now toddle off and write your next article on something you know lots about….
Maybe you can title it “Belittling minorities in an attempt to get my story in the paper/on the web as it was a slow news day”
Still…..guess all the decent journalists were in Manchester covering “real news stories”
What is it about plane spotting that gets everyone not interested/involved so rude? Plane spotting is no more than a hobby, yes a hobby! Other people watch 22 overpaid prima-donna's run around a field with a ball and worship them as gods, some live for watching dull people do dull things on TV (or soap operas as they are called). I know friends that collect beanie babies/go fishing at 4.00am in the morning/do jigsaws etc etc etc. What right have I or anyone else to criticise them directly for what they want to do with THEIR spare time/money? For some reason plane spotting is regularly singled out as a pursuit for geeks and freaks and just because you can't understand the hobby doesn't make it "sad" and something we should "grow out of".
Your comment about Russian planes being so decrepit they "don't usually fly this far west" is just stupid. ALL aircraft need to be flightworthy and have certificates to prove it.
If you were to boil any hobby/pastime down to throw away banal comments and demean the persons involved we'd have little left to enjoy without fear of persecution e.g. Rugby (men running around in shorts bumping into each other), cricket (men in wooly jumpers hitting a ball with a piece of wood), golf (hit a ball, find it, hit it again until it goes in a hole), fishing (sitting by a pond/lake/river for hours to maybe catch a fish, then if you do - put it back so you can catch it again). The list is endless of how you could deride peoples spare time hobbies/passions if you choose to look at them the wrong way.
My question - what do YOU do with YOUR spare time? - please tell us so we can rip YOU a new one in front of your readers and make you look "sad"
blimey, its anoraks at dawn on this story.
This article is typical of how a once respectable newspaper has descended to the level of the "trashionals". No wonder some seemed reluctant to talk to the press. You need to understand that virtually nobody other than the rich and powerful trust the written media as far as they could throw them - and you've just proved why. Perhaps if you think Plane spotting is "sad", you should concentrate on common 21st century hobbies; swearing in public; speed-cycling on pavements, and (doubtless Ray King's favourite) bus-stop blocking.
I have just read your article and just can't believe what I read. I am a female spotter who has been spotting for 37 years now and I believe I was the first female to do so. There are now many females who aircraft spot and the hobby is extremely enjoyable. Yesterday I was there and met up with people I know from all over the country. I find it a far safer hobby and rewarding one than other ones. Nobody was injured at the viewing park yet at the match a Rangers fan stabbed a Russian fan for supporting the opposition. I haven't been to a football match since the 70's when it was safe to go to them nowaday's no way the majority are just drunk and out to cause trouble.
Aircraft enthusiasts are a happy family and just love our hobby which some people just don't want to understand why we enjoy it so much. Although it has changed over the years for security reasons I still remember the days when we were allowed to walk on the piers at Manchester and the spectators terrace at the airport. I had a great day out yesterday even though there were not as many aircraft as the other year but this was to be expected.
We love our hobby and not all the females there were just accompanying their husbands/partners.
The papers just can't be trusted to report anything correctly these days.
Had I been interviewed I would have explained that my hobby has been the catalyst that has taken me all over the world, not just to spot. I have seen most of the worlds great attractions, met hundreds of interesting people of all nations, and basically "lived". I am sure that had I not had the "bug" my live would have consisted of 2 weeks in Benidorm every year (not that theres anything wrong with Benidorm).
The need to collect, either registrations or photos of aircraft is quite difficult to explain, all I can say it is no different than collecting anything else, I think that persons that collect, have a desire to sort, list and organize whatever it is that interests them. I work within Aviation as do many of my fellow enthusiasts, it is a fascinating environment to work in and I cannot imagine doing anything else, the noise and smell of aviation gets in your blood.
Yes, I agree plane spotting is pointless, it has no product and has no conclusion. Yes it does attract "characters" but so what, "characters are part of everyday society. Unfortunately the media only ever seem to latch on to the "anorak" as that is what the general public perceive "spotters" to be.
I am sure that one day some expert will come along and study our group to find out what makes us tick, I would welcome the study as I would be the first to ask " why do I do this", whatever the outcome please dont try and stop me !!
Glenn Wheeler
The Aviation Society
www.tasmanchester.com
So we're a sad bunch of geeks, are we? And it's rumoured that some spotters "came from as far as Holland", is it?
Through the power of the internet, I have expanded my knowledge of the hobby beyond comprehension, have met a lot of people that I wouldn't otherwise have met, and travelled literally thousands of miles in pursuit of my hobby. I have travelled throughout Europe extensively, and during the course of email exchanges and travels, have stayed with a like-minded enthusiast (not spotter, please) from Copenhagen on 5 occasions. This week, I have been privileged to have invited him over to my own home and to reciprocate his hospitality.
There was also an enthusiast (and it's not a rumour) who had travelled from Providence, Rhode Island, on the east coast of America. I, he, and a number of others don't just exchange stories and swap details of the "numbers" of the aircraft that we have seen, but we also have (what the press would term, I'd hope) normal conversations about everyday things. We're not weirdos, we don't wear anoraks, and we object to being branded as such.
If your reporter had been bothered to report facts and not ridicule us, then we might pay more attention. But it's the same old story with the gutter press - why let the truth get in the way. Tell me Mr Donohue - what sort of kick do *you* get out of walking round groups of people, asking all sorts of inane questions, taking the 1% of the info out of the replies you got to make yourself look the "ace reporter" when in reality, you're about as far off the mark as it's possible to get.
And to those who've made negative comments so far - tell me how you spent the day on Wednesday? Were you cooped up in work, sweating, cursing the heat, the lack of air conditioning, the boss, your short lunch break, and 1001 other moaning issues? Or did you spend it in the glorious sunshine, carrying out your hobby, surrounded by lots of friends, meeting new and old faces, enjoying the banter, having a barbecue and generally having a good time?
As one of these so called "Anoraks", I have travelled to over 30 different countries on too many airlines to mention (buisness class of course) and made quite a hefty sum of money selling photographs to magazines.
Aviation enthusiasts are the most warm, kind and giving people you could meet. I have made many many friends over the years.
I dont blame Simon Donohue for his ignorance, i blame the newspapers editorial team for printing such a one sided article hoping to stir up emotions. As has been posted before, at the end of the day us anoraks woke up with a smile and a tan unlike the city of Manchester that woke up to news of riots and stabbings due to the more acceptable hobby of football. I rest my case.
This is just typical of the medias attitude to people who pursue a hobby, to label it "sad"
Spotting is harmless, it can be interesting, If you cant say anything positive then leave them alone, why ridicule them for the sake of it
This kind of lazy media stereotyping MAKES ME ANGRY!!!!!
Mr Angry is there anything that DOESN'T make you angry?
i'm actually partial to a bit of bird spotting myself. theres a lovely greater crested Longbottom over in another story today.
Marc,
The Longbottom would stop even me being angry!
Mister Donohue
I am a London based spotter and have been since 1958. I have spent many days over the last 20 years visiting the AVP at Manchester and found the people to be very friendly, articulate and knowledgeable.
Having seen the BBC local news item by Kate Simms and now your piece of gutter journalism I have lost faith in the press of northwest England. One reporter giving a biased report is shameful, but two is unacceptable
If you want take a lesson in how to observe our hobby I suggest you read the excellent piece written by Dan Koeppel in the USA.
http://www.popularmechanics.com/science/air_space/4261265.html
I guess you could learn about real journalism from him, but if not I would suggest youu stick to reporting on weddings, flower shows and local fetes.
Whatever you do please get your facts right before going to press. Sloppy jounalism is not acceptable.
LHR Spotter, southwest London
You need to do better research. I live in Rhode Island, USA and choose this week to visit my family in England as it also coincided with the extra activity at Manchester Airport. I am on-air at a radio station in my home townback in Rhode Island, and send weekly reports to BBC Three Counties in Luton.
I had the chance to meet up with friends old and new. Those aviation enthusiast you derided helped fill hotels and brought other business to the Manchester area. We left the AVP in as good condition as it was found, more than can be said for the Rangers supporters who went on a rampage in the city centre. As someone who works in the media, your reporting leaves me disappointed. While you may not understand why spotters get so passionate about the hobby, there was no need to insult us!