EVER wanted to look like a WAG a la Cheryl Cole?

Well, me neither. But those women who do – but lack the obligatory millionaire footballer boyfriend – might be pleased to know that the look can be created without going under the knife and for less than you might think.

In the interests of demonstrating as much, I was dispatched to Harvey Nichols for the dubious privilege of being given a “fakeover” – a series of fashion and beauty treatments which effect dramatic transformations without the need for surgery or permanent alteration, from stomach-busting pants to stick on hair extensions.

The first stage in this highly glamorous process saw me standing naked but for paper pants and hat while someone pointed a spray gun at me.

Yes, this was the fake tan to end all fake tans. The contoured masterpiece claims to give the impression of slimming the body by strategic fading and darkening of colour. And all for £21.

“The way we spray the lines makes your legs and stomach appear thinner,” trilled the beautician, who looked like she was playing noughts and crosses on my stomach.

No need for liposuction, then?

“Oh no,” she insisted. “Trust me, you’ll feel a lot slimmer after today.”

My figure was the least of my worries. For the first couple of hours, I was so radioactively orange that I wouldn’t have looked out of place at Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.

But miraculously when the time came to shower off, I had to admit that the smooth, natural colour blew my former streaky DIY attempts out of the water.

I’m not sure I noticed any particular “contouring” effect from the strategic spraying – but perhaps a toned body was too much to ask from what was essentially brown paint.

Next was the dramatic addition of waist-length hair. To achieve my blonde locks with real extensions would have cost £500-£700, but stylist-to-the-stars Tracey used a wig priced at £129 and styled the rest of my hair to blend in for a further £50.

As someone whose hair seems to grow about a millimetre a year there was something strangely enjoyable about suddenly having hair flowing down your back like a cartoon Disney princess, even if it was all a bit – well – big.

The best was yet to come, though, in the form of false eyelashes, which were undoubtedly my favourite treatment.

While semi permanent fakes are £75 and last two months, the new “blink and go” kind are good for two weeks and cost £30.

They were fabulous. To close my eyes for 20 minutes and wake up later to find my stubby, albino lashes had been into enormous, fluttery tresses was unbelievably gratifying.

The only slight setback was that when I put my glasses on, my bloated falsies got squashed up against the lenses like the wings of a caged hen.

“No self respecting WAG puts eyesight before glamour,” a colleague assured me.

Next came the gel nails – a new alternative to acrylics. They only took 30 minutes to create and, unlike acrylics, won’t damage your natural nails.

They looked great and even withstood my extensive product testing (poking them with biros, taking the back off my mobile phone), stubbornly refusing to chip.

My face was completed by a fabulous make-up artist at the Nars counter who managed to fake me a pair of cheekbones.

And finally stylist Tom faked my figure by ironing out my unwelcome bulges with a pair of Spanx and sticking me in a flattering £345 Black Halo dress.

“The panelling will slim you in the middle,” he said, “And the gathering around the neck will make the bust appear fuller.”

When I finally stood in front of a mirror, I nearly fainted.

I have to say, the look didn’t exactly scream “serious journalist.” I looked a bit like Barbie.

But there was no time to worry about that – I needed to go and report on the JLS appearance at the Trafford Centre and test out my new look on some celebrities.

When I arrived, thousands of screaming teenagers were blocking my way and my nails made it impossible to just claw my way through the crowd like a normal reporter.

So I beckoned a security guard and asked to be escorted up the red carpet.

Unbelievably, with one flutter of my obese lashes, he agreed.

“Who’s she?” I heard one girl hiss as I shimmied curly-haired and tangerine-tinted up the walkway.

Another even made a half-hearted attempt to take a picture of me on her phone, presumably having presumed from the extensions that I must be some washed-up Big Brother ex-housemate.

Backstage, actor Chris Fountain, who played Justin in Hollyoaks, was sitting around rather sulkily in his pantomime costume. He wasn’t very impressed.

“Look Chris,” said his mum politely, gesturing towards my increasingly limp hair extensions. “Aren’t they lovely?”

“Oh, right,” he frowned. “Is that not your hair then?”

The cast of Chicago were harder to fool. “I didn’t like to say anything,” whispered one rather glamorous thespian sympathetically. “But I know hair. And you can tell.”

Sadly, rapper Chipmunk didn’t seem very impressed either. But then he couldn’t really see me because he was wearing dark shades. In October. In Manchester. Indoors.

Considering the fakeover was all done in an afternoon, the results were dramatic. Some of the effects could certainly rival those achieved by some surgical procedures. But by the end of the day, my hair and eyelashes felt heavy, my makeup looked clownish and my shoes were killing me.

Makeover versus fakeover: the cost

MAKEOVER

Liposuction: £2700

Boob job: £3000

Real hair extensions: £700+

Semi-permanent eyelashes: £75

Nail extensions: £30

TOTAL COST: £6505

FAKEOVER:

Fake tan: £21

Temporary hair extensions: £179

Temporary eyelashes: £30

Gel nails: £40

Spanx pants: £67

Black halo dress: £345 (sizes 6-14)

Makeup: £20 (redeemable against Nars products)

TOTAL COST: £702

Personal Shopper Tom’s top five tips for looking like a WAG

1. Avoid drowning in loose fabrics. “People assume that they should wear loose things to make them look slimmer, but they will do nothing for your figure. Go for structured pieces that hold you in.”

2. Invest in top-end structured underwear. “Spanx are far better than cheaper alternatives because they incorporate your natural curves instead of just squeezing everything in so that it pops out of either end.”

3. Treat yourself to a pricey corseted or bodycon dress. “Try Giambattista Valli or Herve Leger”

4. Wear sequins. “They are huge this season and surprisingly slimming as they reflect the light.”

5. Avoid ankle straps to lengthen your legs. “Any high heels which leave the top part of your foot exposed will lengthen the appearance of your legs, particularly in a nude shade.”