THE Carpenters got it right when they sang that breaking up is hard to do. Four of my friends are going through the most horrendous break-ups.

It doesn't seem fair, that as life-loving girls of the noughties, those they crowned worthy of sharing their dreams and futures have decided to resign from their positions as 'The One', and so late on in their relationships too. (But, hey, nobody said men were smart).

Crying buckets full and the feeling your heart is going to break are still official by-products of a split. But whereas before all you would do is try and avoid bumping into your ex in the school yard or at the uni bar, now you can find yourself sorting out mortgages, bank accounts, feelings and friends.

I can't believe my pals and I are at the stage where this stuff has started to matter.

Breaking up with someone gets worse as you get older, there is so much riding on the relationship and it can truly change your life.

Heart break

You can't just send your mate over to deliver the bad news or pass them a note in class, but then perhaps that's because sitting next to someone in maths and walking them home doesn't constitute a relationship any more either.

I remember giving a boy in my class my last Rolo thinking he would see it as a symbol of my heart and huge infatuation with him. Maybe he would even come round to the idea of going out with me. Well, from what my friend 'Rolo delivery girl' said, he and his mates played football with it in the dinner hall. Nice one.

Can you imagine if, while at work, couples sent memos to invite all staff to gather in the car park to witness a huge public display of affection? People could watch the happy couple kiss each other to their hearts' content, as if still behind the bike sheds, while their mate looked on with a stopwatch. Then any other couples could have a go and try and break their record.

More stable

It's deemed very uncouth now to 'do the rounds' and swap boyfriends with your best mate every other week.

At my school five or six lads hung around with five or six girls and over time they all tried each other on for size, thinking nothing of the unwritten rule we have now, of dating your mate's ex.

'I wasn't lucky enough to be part of that gang, one of my regrets while at school, but not one of my parents'.

Teenage break-ups can bring relief for mums and dads, as their 15-year-old daughter has no more distractions from her GCSEs, and is less likely to get pregnant.

Now, after seven years of welcoming your partner into the family they have lost a son, and their hopes of grandchildren are blown out of the water. Luckily it's not all about them. There are some happy endings, though.

Wedding

One friend dreamed of a wedding and a family but after her partner got the seven year itch he upped and left, only to return with a proposal. Now they have a beautiful baby and one of the happiest marriages I know. My other friend got divorced in her late 30s, after a 10 year marriage, but now she is married to the sweetest man with the loveliest baby girl.

It isn't so much the feelings of rejection, being let down or being lied to that are the problem (but these are sizeable issues), it's starting over, and the fear of never finding that spark again.

Well, all I can say is you never know what's wrong for you until you try it, and in retrospect we can always see the faults within our failed relationships, but that is where we have the edge on the young.

Maturity lets us experience more and more and enter into each relationship with the lessons we learned from the last (and even spot the signs sooner).

Escape

Imagine if you discovered and accepted these faults and were sentenced to a lifetime with the wrong person. As my brother says about failed relationships: "Just file them under lucky escapes".

I say you must treat them like a pair of your favourite shoes which have been badly scuffed, but you can't bear to part with.

You put them on a high shelf, away from your other clothes and as time goes by you find you miss them less and less.

And, when you happen to knock them off that shelf during a spring clear-out you will look at them, remember and smile, but wonder why the hell you bought them in the first place.

New start

So to Fran, Clancy, Sarah and Janet, and all those women with forlorn hearts, put a lid on your box, switch off The Carpenters and look forward to the next time you want to give someone your last Rolo… just make sure you deliver it yourself!