Watching my car go up in smoke from behind a crash barrier on the M66 at the weekend, two things crossed my mind. First – at least I was doing it in style, wearing gold sequinned heels and Revlon Red Hot lipstick (strangely prophetic, I know).
Not exactly practical for running down the hard shoulder in, admittedly, but they definitely add an element of devil-may-care decadence to an otherwise boring hour spent waiting for the breakdown man.
Second – damn, looks like I’ll have to remortgage the house and sell my guinea pig into lab-testing slavery if I’m going to be able to afford another motor.
Unfortunately, I’m not the only one. With the reality of the new regime’s catastrophic cuts beginning to dawn, our driving habits are one of the first things to change.
A recent survey said 57 per cent of us are cutting down on driving – with eight per cent already giving up all together in these cash-strapped times.
So, on the bright side, at least my motor-free status is bang on trend. The only reason to spend time behind my wheel right now would be to get high on the smell of burning petrol from my old Punto’s charred shell.
Truth be told, my 120,000-mile companion was already on his way to the great scrap yard in the sky – after my mechanic told me there were only three weeks of wear left on his brakes. In fact, the catalogue of catastrophe with my weary old rust-wagon was so long that in the end I told them only to fix anything that could potentially kill me.
Of course, I’m paying for my penny-pinching ways now, after my wheels met a spectacularly smoky end. Meaning this week, eco-commuters will be delighted to hear, I’m back on the buses.
Not that I’m a transport snob. The scally school kids throwing chewy at your hair, that attractive eau de men’s urinal smell lingering round the tram station and the tramp trying to make eyes with you – it’s all put-upable with.
No, my problem with public transport is, like for so many city centre commuters, it is just so unpredictably and unbelievably rubbish at the one thing it’s supposed to do – get you where you want to go. Preferably on time.
Broken ticket machines, track repairs, aliens landing on the platform – the list of excuses for stopping me getting into Manchester is endless. And that’s aside from the fact that the infrastructure itself is so laughably outdated that I have to get a bus, a tram, and sometimes – seriously – a steam train into the city centre.
So imagine my gasps of delight at news that Metrolink passengers are going to be hit by an inflation-busting rise of six per cent on their tickets – to pay for new routes that go no further whatsoever towards helping me get into town. On top of the government’s plans for fewer bus subsidies and a hike in rail fares. Turns out sharing germ-ridden air with the masses on my mystery tour into work isn’t even saving me any money.
But my commute did give me time to read the news that – while most of us can’t afford a motor and sales of general cars fall by 19 per cent – luxury cars are still speeding out of the showroom. With Rolls Royce’s orders doubling and Porsche reporting an 83 per cent rise. And that’s before Rooney’s been out to spend his some of the spare change from his new wages.
Proving life in this new Tory Britain isn’t so different to last time round. With the super rich speeding along in the fast lane of life full of the joys of the spending review – while the rest of us watch from a broken down bus in the slow lane.
It was a texting time for the deputy PM
Modern technology etiquette – such a social nightmare, don’t you find? When, for instance, will a one-line text message do?
Running late – fair enough. Filing for divorce, ‘fessing up to an illegitimate offspring – dubious. I’d go for two lines or more.
What about abandoning all your political morals and going into government with your arch rival? You can LOL all you like text-lovers but apparently, that’s just how Nick Clegg decided to form a coalition government with David Cameron.
“We didn’t know each other, I even texted a friend of mine who I knew knew him a bit and said – a single line text – can I trust this guy?” the Lib Dem leader chortled on Desert Island Discs.
And, to think, there I was worrying that the yellow-bellied one hadn’t thought this whole thing through properly. Don’t worry guys, he formed a coalition government and made the biggest cuts to welfare in living memory on the recommendation of a friend who knew Cameron “a bit” – by text. I would LMAO if it didn’t make me feel like crying.
What Katy and Russell will do next
Oh yawn, couldn’t Russell Brand and Katy Perry think of a more unusual way to tie the knot? I mean, a procession of elephants, gold thrones, and the groom arriving on horseback. Come on, people, think outside the box.
As a mark of his affections, Brand also splashed out on a real-life tiger for his blushing bride. Nice thought Russell – but just imagine the cat litter bill.
But my favourite part of their nutty nuptials had to be the fortune-telling parrot. Who, apparently, picked out cards translated into Hindi predicting a long life, long marriage and long successful careers for the couple.
Maybe its real prediction – “I see you flogging your nuptials in a mega bucks magazine deal next week, followed by the usual cycle of hawking out pics of your kids, divorce and tearful reconciliation over the years to come” – got lost in translation.
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Driving in heels is irresponsible. If I am going for a night out and driving, I'll take my heels but change into trainers for driving. Please don't think driving in anything with a heel that could be trapped behind a pedal is safe.
I have not noticed any reduction in the amount of cars on the roads since this recession began, you still cannot move without a vehicle being up your backside if you're a pedestrian. People think the car is a neccesity but it's a luxury.
Are your reporters on cliche auto pilot.
1/Don't drive dangerous old bangers, my car is 10 years old. I do 2000 miles a year,and have it serviced once a year. If I did 20,000 miles a year. I would have a bigger,newer and better car.
2/ I use the buses,trains,trams. I find them excellent. I am amazed how many trains they manage to squeeze in and out of Piccadilly. They deserve a medal just for that.
Yesterday I took the 12.28 from Guide bridge.12.46 Blackpool train to Oxford Road,bus to MRI. Bus back to Portland street,and 33 to Liverpool Road before 2.pm. What is wrong with that?
This woman doesn't suit the MEN one bit, she should be writing for Chat or some other Hairdressers magazine.
Nota transport snob, eh? Claims to be back on the bus, and then rubbishes public transport in general with examples of failure purely associated with RAIL. Your comment about "city centre" commuter is laughable too. Far too much of transport policy is about making it easier (in theory) to commute to the city centre - especially by rail - whilst those who need to travel often relatively short distances within the suburbs find it increasingly difficult.
Your whinge about costs is laughable too. Bus fares for short journeys (1.5-3 miles each way) have increased at TWICE the rate of Petrol since the 2000 Fuel protests, and I will tell you now that over the life of this Coalition parliament bus fares will rise faster than Rail or Metrolink fares AND services will be cut. Oh! and bus users are lucky if they get 3 DAYS notice of Fare increases, never mind 3 months.
So she lives in Bury then? Shows just how awful Metrolink is that the East Lancs Railway is a viable alternative. Though of course because the East Lancs is a business, they have to make sure their trains run to time even for leisure journeys or people won't hang around. Metrolink on the other hand will get bailed out by the council whether they run on time or not or at all & it shows.
Whitebits, Salford
No, it runs from Heywood into Bury, and then out to Rawtenstall.
So it could, potentially be used as a feeder to the Metro Link, but the earliest arrival (in Bury) is 9:35 or 11:15 depending on where you start (this weeks timetable).
There was some talk of running trams on the track during the TIF debate, but I think it was nonsense peddled by the pro camp when the vote appeared lost
What should really matter regarding Transport is the following which in the UK gets almost
zero coverage.
http://www.ecofactory.com/news/traffic-related-air-pollution-linked-breast-cancer-risk-101210
I am not entirely sure what to make of this Helen. I don't know which is more disgusting your attitude to road safety or that you actually get paid to write this twaddle.
For a start you clearly need to re-assess your priorities. You willfully endagered both your own and other people lives by neglecting to properly maintain your car. (Some figures for u to try and wrap your head round to illustrait how dangerous cars can be) Your Punto had a kerb weight in the region of 900kg, lets say for example you were traveling at 60mph (26.8m/s) this gives your car a momentum in the region of 24,300 Kg m/s (a measure of the kinetic energy your car has while in motion) A bullet leaving the barrel of a 44 magnum weighs just 0.2kg and travels in the order of 495m/s giving it a momentum of just 99kgm/s thats 250 times less energy than you punto.
The "blame the tory party" schtick from your recent articles is wearing pretty thin now. They like you are now dealing with the consequences of overspending on fripperies while neglecting to deal with anything important. For example a set of brake pads for your punto would have set you back the grand total of about £20 plus fitting (or in your world 3 lipsticks). For the record it was your beloved Labour Party who cancelled the metrolink extensions almost immediately after coming to power (despite the money being available at the time) at a cost of millions to the tax payer, then amazingly the money was found provided they spent millions more pounds of tax payers money jumping through congestion charging hoops. Then following that EPIC FAIL the money materialised anyway. Now it seems it never existed and they were just going to borrow it from China on your and my behalf.
Finally I am glad you are off the road. As far as I can tell it's one less idiot in a poorly maintained car waiting to crash or catch fire and cause misery to the tens of thousands of commuters that use the regions motorways every day.
I am not having it that she doesn't have a rich boyfriend who pays for everything, and no chnace does she drive a Punto.
i wonder what suprises we would be getting now if we'd have been conned by the con charge?
reduction in traffic entering the city centre? reduction in businesses in the city centre.
what price hikes would we have been hit with from the original £5 a day predicted cost to drive in and out?
funny thing is that one of the high profile buninesses that promoted the con charge that where based in the city centre seems to have relocated outside the city centre zone now.
hypocrits!
I get the bus from Heaton Chaple into Manchester daily and I own my own car and live right next to a 10minute train ride. I do this to save money and get into town faster than if I was driving.
A ticket for a weekly bus pass from Stagecoach will cost £11, where as a days parking in manchester can cost anything from £6 to £18!!!
The bus lane is a joy at 8am (the time i would need to leave if driving) and lets me catch up with emails on my phone, read the free papers, fix my makup if im still half asleep... All with time to spare when I arrive to grab some breakfast.
I find the buses clean and warm and only find them expectidly messy after they have had a day of service. Its the indevidual littering people who need to clean up their act as I find the bus service to be top notch!